Faith Analysis: I’m Waiting on God
Blessed is this day and thank God for keeping and loving us.
Yesterday, I came to a very painful realization that I don’t have full confirmation about my life from God. I received a few messages leading up to that, messages of disapproval that threw my whole spirit into confusion, doubt, and pain.
In the last 24 hours it feels as if I’ve added another 2500 square feet to my soul. I feel older, humbled, and tired, which is ironic because 22 did not seem like a compatible age for a mid-life-esque crisis, but here I am.
“Indeed, it is very simple to be saved, but it is very hard to be simple. . . simply put!” — Genuis Turner, “The Heaven on Earth Code”
Brother Genius, indeed you’ve touched on the convoluted nature of this spiritual conundrum I find myself in. How nice would it have been to just be simply saved after they dipped my body in that tank of water alongside the Mississippi River, or even when I raised my hands at the altar with tears in my eyes and rededicated myself a few years after.
Being saved is simple, living saved is hard.
Brave is the living called to be! There have been so many moments in the last 24 hours where I’ve been consumed with the desire to go home. What God has for me will be so great in comparison to this earthly existence that carries so much pain.
I still praise God for joy, though. It would be unfair to not do so. He’s given me so much love, peace, favor, mercy, and grace. It’s the breath in my body and the opening of my eyes to a new day that keeps me in check. Despite this pain I feel, I still know God is good, great in fact.
The saving grace is God’s grace. Even though I have no idea who I am anymore, I know that I love God and He knows who I am. Among the many tears that have fallen from my eyes and the prayers that I have left my lips, that fact remains at the forefront: God knows exactly who I am. Hallelujah.
Enough rumination, let me get to the heart of the matter.
I’m on a journey of confirmation from God. For the glory of God, I know I have to do this by myself. I want a mindset of my own, that’s been given to me directly by the will of God. I am intent on avoiding adopting the mindset of someone else in my pursuit of God’s truth, because that’s how I got here, so lost and confused.
I’m realizing that my faith has been so invested in other people’s faith. My family, my friends, my partner, my coworkers, my community — everyone but me. I’ve built myself into this person where I don’t really know what God’s purpose is for me, and I’ve invested all of my time and energy into being what I think other people need or want me to be.
And I loved it, I love you, I love everybody, but this is about loving God and finally submitting myself. Being open to God’s truth and not appeasing everybody when my only job is to please Him. I need to find out what that looks like, what God’s called it to look like. I don’t know where to start and my heart is hurting, but I figure that’s the best time for God to come in and work a miracle.
God sent confirmation about my journey:
“So what is real success?
The Bible says real success is being who God made you to be. It means you’re not trying to be somebody else or what your parents wanted you to be. You’ll only find real success when you spend your life as the person God created you to be.
If you try to be somebody else in life, you are absolutely going to fail, because you can’t be anybody but you. Be who God made you to be. Be who you are in Christ.
“For in Christ lives all the fullness of God in a human body. So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority” (Colossians 2:9–10 NLT).
God came to Earth in human form two thousand years ago so you could be made complete in Christ. That means you have everything you need through Jesus’ authority and power.
If you look around, you’re going to notice that you may not have the same gifts, talents, or opportunities as other people, and that can be frustrating — if you think being a success is being somebody else.
When you understand that a successful life is being who God made you to be, then you will be amazed at the things God will do through you!”
God, I love You. I trust You. I’m going forward in You. Thank You for Your faithfulness, and for assuming full responsibility for my life and the body of Christ.
I love you, God loves us, and we are blessed. Amen.
Until next time, I will be resting in the Lord. It’s time to wait on God.
-MJ
