When you feel lonely, trust God with your love story (or else).

What I’ve learned about idolizing love.

Me and my brother throwing up some love at Crumbl Cookie ❤.

Last year I was on a late-night Instagram live listening to Minister Christina Kwarteng where she felt led to give some honest advice about dating as a woman of God.

The vibe was uncharacteristically warm and intimate for social media — she was in PJs (like many of us), nursing her baby boy, and just sharing from the heart. Also, what she said has encouraged me to this day so I will gladly share it with you:

“Buy your own dinner.”

😂. For context, she was explaining why for women of God it is advisable — dare I say a mandate — to stop giving any and everybody access to you for basic things like a steak dinner or a bouquet of roses.

One thing I appreciate about Christina is that she’s very honest about her journey to standing as a woman of faith and that it included way too many “bums” for her liking prior to meeting her husband.

So why did “buy your own dinner” resonate for me? In my transparency about my journey to wholeness in the Lord, I will tell you that I have not been exempt from the pitfalls of idolizing love. At one point, I lived my life in such a way that in my heart (the thing God sees and knows) I would have done pretty much anything to be loved by somebody. Anybody.

In 2019, during the Valentine’s season — I was profoundly offended by a guy I had been involved with in college. Mind you, two months earlier right before Christmas break, I was hurt by the same guy. So the offense was deep, very deep.

Also in 2019, I accepted a Valentine’s date from a girl. Months later, based on that seed that was sown in a season of hurt and sexual promiscuity, we ended up in a full-blown lesbian relationship that I had to be delivered from in 2020 (thank You, Jesus).

My friends, I share this to warn you that your enemy, Satan, is prowling around this Valentine’s like a roaring lion seeking whom He may devour.

God did not create love and intimacy to make a fool of you. Yet, if we don’t submit our passions and our ideals for love to Jesus, the devil can manipulate us to despise what is God’s protection for our life. Just like he did with Eve in the garden.

Just like he did with me on February 14, 2019.

This was the note we added to our order….it was about the price ($10 for 2 cookies, abeg), but it also applies here.

It’s not often I think back to that season. Like the Apostle Paul, I consider it all trash compared to life in Christ.

Although, if I would for a moment play the shoulda-coulda-woulda game, I would ask myself:

“Now, what would have happened if I just did it for myself that year?”

What if I just bought the lunch for myself?

What if I just made expectations and honored them for myself?

What if I just loved myself? What if I had made an honest attempt to love God more, to believe that God loving me is enough?

What would have happened? Now, isn’t that frustrating?

I can only count it joy, because now I know I serve a God who is the author and finisher of my story — including the love part.

One of my favorite verses from Song of Songs (in The Passion Translation) describes what Jesus did for us because He knew we would fall. The bolded is Jesus talking):

“My brothers said to me when I was young, “Our sister is so immature. What will we do to guard her for her wedding day?””

We will build a tower of redemption to protect her. Since she is vulnerable, we will enclose her with a wall of cedar boards.

But now I have grown and become a bride, and my love for him has made me a tower of passion and contentment for my beloved. I am now a firm wall of protection for others, guarding them from harm. This is how he sees me — I am the one who brings him bliss, finding favor in his eyes.“

Song of Songs 8:8–10 TPT

Better than doing it yourself, I pray you realize that it is Jehovah Jireh (the God who provides) who is doing it for you. We can have nothing good or enjoyable apart from Jesus.

Stop drowning in entanglements and subpar relationships — go back to Christ.

I pray for God to break every chain of bondage to someone else, to fill every pit of longing in you, and to restore your eyes so you can see the light of His love.

With the peace and LOVE of Christ,

Mya J, @mjthecreated ❤️

“Hey Holy People” ☀️ Mya J, student of Jesus. This is where we live life better with people through Christ. #HolyisWhole